Dog in the Ruins

Dog in the Ruins

Robin Foale, 24/4/2013

Far in a land of magic, deep in the oak woods of the fairies, past the giants' marshes and into the ancient ruins of the last wizard's tower there exists in the middle of the ruins - a dog. It's a golden retriever that shines in the sun's rays that creep through the broken roofing. However, unlike most dogs this one doesn't move. All four of its legs are straight and its head is turned towards its left. It looks for no better a word, puzzled. An odd expression for even a china dog to show and yet it does. It faces what was once a long corridor now collapsed with rubble, its once grand blue carpet mattered and grown over with moss as a result of its years of exposure to the elements. The rest of the dog's environment has seen better days as well. The once grand plaza that the dog stands in has cracked in half and collapsed sideways into the ground itself, creating a vast pond of life from the collection of rain water that has fallen through the roof. Old suits of armour that once stood in glory now clutter the floor with their rusted metal. Even the blue banners that displayed the sign of the great wizard have either falling down or hang in faded colours. Everything shows signs of aging in this room, except for the china dog. No cracks, no faded colours, it hasn't even appeared to have toppled over as a result of the crack in the ground. The dog has been here for a very long time and would continue to be if it weren't for the fact that its destiny has been entwined with the daughter of a gypsy who has now appeared from a crack in the room's wall. She wears green overalls and a long purple cloak that flows in the light morning breeze. Her band of travellers decided to rest for the night outside the once great tower and although she was told not to stray too far her curiosity has got the better of her. With a bucket clenched in her hands she is about to approach the natural pond for fresh water when she suddenly sees the china dog perched in a bed of multi-coloured flowers.

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Although I enjoyed writing the above story I recognise as a writer that I accidentally told the reader what the fantasy environments were before the main character (the dog) did. Therefore breaking the connection between the shared knowledge of the reader and character that I prefer to write in stories. Also I recognise that some of my sentences are too long and can perhaps be split into two. This would give a better flow to my stories and create tension for the reader.